umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
