Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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