gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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