I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
