i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
