if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
