Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
