from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
