Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
