what day is it and did you see me today?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
