He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
