got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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