beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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