i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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