It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
