I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
