i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
