so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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