I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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