I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
