Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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