I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
