; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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