I could have mohawked her pubes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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