I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
