Just fell off a train. Bad.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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