I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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