I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
