Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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