Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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