You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
