His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
