The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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