I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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