Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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