At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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