dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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