I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
