69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
