I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
