Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
