I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
