So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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