so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
