I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
