So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
