then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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