I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
