your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
