so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
