I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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