One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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