Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm getting married
To pizza
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
